Other People’s Opinions of You Are None of Your Business – My Real Take on It

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You know, if I could go back and talk to my younger self, there’s one thing I’d say over and over again:

"Dean… what other people think of you is none of your bloody business."

Honestly, it’s taken me years to get my head around this. I spent so much of my life tied up in knots about what people thought of me. And not just strangers either – friends, family, workmates, even random people I’d only met once.

If you’ve ever felt like that, you know how exhausting it is. Always second-guessing yourself. Wondering if you said the wrong thing. Replaying conversations at night like you’re editing a movie that already came out.

It’s knackering.

And here’s the thing – no matter how hard you try, you cannot control what other people think of you. You can be the nicest person in the room, do all the right things, bend over backwards for everyone… and someone, somewhere, will still have an opinion about you.

That’s just life. People judge. People misunderstand. People project their own stuff onto you.

And here’s the truth that finally set me free: their opinions are about them, not me.

Why We Care So Much And Why It’s Not Your Fault

For ages, I thought I was just too sensitive. I used to beat myself up for caring too much about what other people thought.

But it’s not about being weak or needy – it’s about being human. Our brains are wired for connection. Back when we were living in caves, being accepted by the tribe was life or death. If they didn’t like you, you were out on your own – and that usually didn’t end well.

Fast-forward to today, and even though life’s completely different, that wiring is still there. Your brain feels a bit of disapproval, or imagines someone’s judging you, and it reacts like you’re being kicked out of the tribe. Heart racing. Stomach flipping. Thoughts going a million miles an hour.

Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.

But here’s the kicker: most of the time, people aren’t even thinking about you like that. They’re too busy thinking about themselves, about their own worries, their own insecurities.

And when they do judge you? Nine times out of ten, it’s got nothing to do with you. It’s their own stuff talking.

Anna Mathur nails it in her book The Uncomfortable Truth. She says something along the lines of: “We exhaust ourselves trying to curate how we’re seen, but the truth is, you can never control someone else’s perspective.”

And she’s spot on. You can’t control how people see you. You can only control how you show up.

How I Used to Live for Other People’s Opinions

Let me tell you a quick story.

For years, I was a “yes man.” I said yes to things I didn’t want to do, yes to plans I didn’t have the energy for, yes to helping out when I was already stretched thin. Why? Because deep down I was terrified that saying no would make people think I was selfish, rude, or not a good mate.

And I hate admitting this, but I’ve made choices about my life – big ones – because I was scared of what people might think. Jobs I took, things I didn’t speak up about, even how I dressed. I was living on other people’s terms without even realising it.

But you know what? No matter how much I tried to keep everyone happy, there was always someone who wasn’t impressed. Someone who thought I was doing it wrong. Someone who didn’t like me anyway.

I was knackered, and for what? For opinions that didn’t even belong to me.

The Moment Things Started to Shift

There wasn’t one big “lightbulb moment,” but I remember sitting one night, scrolling through my phone, seeing people living these big, bold lives online. And my first thought was: I could never do that. People would think I’m ridiculous.

And then this little voice popped up in my head – not my usual critical one, a calmer one – and it said: “So what if they do?”

That stopped me. I just sat there thinking: Yeah… so what?

What’s the worst that would actually happen if someone didn’t like me? If someone thought I was weird, or not good enough, or too much?

Nothing. Nothing real, anyway. Just a thought in someone else’s head.

That’s when I started noticing how often I was living for other people’s opinions. And slowly – very slowly – I began to let go of it.

The Truth About Opinions

Here’s what I’ve learned since then:

1. Everyone has an opinion about everything. And most of the time, it changes.

2. Their opinion of you says more about them than it does about you.

3. You’ll never please everyone. Even if you’re doing everything “right,” someone won’t like it.

4. Your worth doesn’t depend on what anyone else thinks. Ever.

5. 
   

And the big one: you’re allowed to live for yourself. You’re allowed to make choices that feel right for you, even if someone else doesn’t understand or approve.

Like Anna Mathur says, “Freedom is found not in pleasing others, but in being unapologetically yourself.” And the older I get, the more I realise that’s the only way to live.

The Start of Letting Go

So now, when that old habit creeps back in – when I catch myself wondering what people will think – I pause. I take a breath. And I ask myself:

• Do I know for sure they’re even thinking that?

• Even if they are… so what?

• Am I doing this for me, or for someone else?

And I try – not perfectly, but most days – to choose me.

Because life’s too short to live it for everyone else.

Letting Go of Other People’s Opinions – My Ongoing Journey

So after that first little “so what?” moment I told you about, I wish I could say it was smooth sailing. That I never cared what people thought ever again.

But nah… I’m human. I still catch myself doing it now. And sometimes it sneaks up on me in ways I don’t expect.

When the Fear Creeps Back In

Here’s an example. Not long ago, I was about to post something online about hypnotherapy – just a little video sharing a tip about calming anxious thoughts. Nothing dramatic.

I had it all ready to go… and then that old voice piped up:

“What if people think you sound stupid?”“What if they judge you for this?”“What if no one likes it?”

I sat there for ages, thumb hovering over the “post” button, my heart racing over something that – honestly – shouldn’t have mattered that much.

And that’s when Anna Mathur’s words came back to me. There’s a chapter in The Uncomfortable Truth where she says (I’m paraphrasing):

"We can’t stop people having opinions about us. We can only decide whether those opinions get a seat at our table."

I remember closing the book that night thinking: Wow… how many seats have I given away to people who don’t even know me properly?

So, I posted the video. And you know what? The world didn’t end. A couple of people liked it, a few scrolled past, and no one came for me with pitchforks. That “huge risk” my brain was screaming about? It wasn’t real.

The Truth About the Stories We Tell Ourselves

The thing is, when we worry about what other people think, we’re not reacting to their opinion – we’re reacting to a story in our own head.

We think:

• They’re definitely judging me.

• They probably think I’m not good enough.

• They’ll never take me seriously.

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But do we know that’s true? Nope. We’re just guessing. And usually, we’re guessing based on old fears, old experiences, or old patterns that aren’t even ours anymore.

It’s like Anna says in her book: “We spend so much time trying to tidy up other people’s thoughts about us, thoughts we’ve likely imagined in the first place.”

And she’s right. We invent these invisible “rules” we think everyone else is judging us by, and then we tie ourselves in knots trying to keep up with them.

It’s exhausting. And the worst part? We forget to ask ourselves what we actually want.

Learning to Choose Myself First

Here’s something I’ve been practising – and let me tell you, it doesn’t come naturally when you’ve been a people-pleaser for most of your life.

When I notice I’m about to do something just to please someone else, or avoid their judgment, I stop and ask:

• If no one had an opinion about this, what would I choose?

• If I wasn’t afraid of judgment, what would I do right now?

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And then, if I can, I try to choose that.

It’s not easy. Sometimes I still go with the “safe” choice. But more and more, I’m learning to trust myself, even when it feels scary.

Because every time I choose myself, it’s like a little rebellion. A quiet reminder that my life belongs to me – not to a bunch of imagined opinions.

How Hypnotherapy Helped Me Untangle This Mess

Here’s where hypnotherapy comes in – and I don’t just mean as something I offer, but something that changed my life too.

See, our minds love to run on old loops. Those thoughts that pop up – “Don’t say that, they’ll think you’re stupid” or “Don’t do that, they’ll judge you” – they’re habits your brain’s learned over years.

They’re not truth. They’re just patterns.

Hypnotherapy helps you step out of those loops. It helps you get into that calm, focused space where you can challenge those old beliefs and start rewiring them.

For me, it helped me see that every time I worried about what people thought, I was giving away my power. Piece by piece, I was living my life for everyone but me.

And when I started untangling that? It was like someone opened a window in my brain and let fresh air in. I could breathe again.

Life’s Too Short for Second Guessing

Here’s the thing I’ve learned – and I keep learning, because this isn’t a one-and-done thing:

People are going to think what they think. Always. You can’t control it. You can’t predict it. And even if you could, do you really want to spend your one life micromanaging other people’s thoughts?

I don’t. Not anymore.

So now, I remind myself daily:

• It’s okay to be misunderstood.

• It’s okay to not be liked by everyone.

• It’s okay to live my life the way I want, even if it doesn’t make sense to other people.

And every time I do, I feel a little freer.

I’ve still got more to share – stories, truths I’ve learned, and how I keep catching myself falling back into “people-pleasing mode” even now. But bit by bit, this is how I’m learning to let go of other people’s opinions and live a life that actually feels like mine.

When Other People’s Opinions Sneak In and How I’m Learning to Shut Them Out

Right, let’s be real. Letting go of what other people think sounds great in theory. But in real life? It’s a constant battle.

It’s not like you wake up one day, decide you don’t care anymore, and bam – you’re free. Nah, those little “what will they think?” thoughts sneak in when you least expect it.

I’m telling you, it’s like my brain has a tiny, nosy neighbour living inside it, peering over the fence going, “Ooooh, are you sure you wanna do that? People might talk…”

The Everyday Traps We Fall Into

Let me give you some examples of where this shows up for me (and probably for you too):

• Clothes shopping: You pick something up you love, but then you think, “Is this too much? What if people think I’m trying too hard?” and you put it back.

• Posting online: You write something real, honest, maybe even vulnerable… and then you delete it because you imagine someone rolling their eyes.

• Setting boundaries: You want to say “no” to something, but you say “yes” because you don’t want to be seen as difficult or selfish.

• Dreaming bigger: You think about starting something new – a hobby, a side hustle, a whole new life – but you stop yourself because you’re worried about what the neighbours, your friends, or even strangers on the internet might think.

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I’ve done every single one of these. Too many times to count.

And the wild part? Half the time, nobody’s even judging. It’s just me, judging myself in their imaginary voice.

Like Anna Mathur says in The Uncomfortable Truth: “We become mind readers, trying to control what people think of us, but most of what we ‘hear’ is our own self-criticism bounced back.”

Ouch. That one stung a bit when I read it. But she’s right. So often, it’s not their opinions holding us back – it’s our own fear of their opinions.

One Time I Nearly Didn’t Go for It

Here’s a little story.

A while back, I was invited to give a talk about hypnotherapy. Big opportunity. Something I’d wanted to do for ages. And yet, my first thought wasn’t, “Brilliant, let’s do this.” It was:

“What if I mess up?”“What if people think I’m boring?”“What if they laugh at me?”

I nearly said no. I was seconds away from turning down something I’d wanted for years because of opinions that hadn’t even happened yet.

Thankfully, I stopped myself and thought, Right, what would Anna say about this? And I remembered a line from her book where she basically says, “Fear of judgment can’t sit in the driver’s seat of your life.”

So, I said yes. My hands were shaking the whole time I prepared. My voice wobbled a bit at first. But you know what? The talk went well. People came up afterwards and said it helped them.

And I thought, Imagine if I’d let fake opinions – ones I made up in my own head – stop me from doing this?

That’s when it really hit me how much of my life I’ve handed over to imaginary critics. Never again, if I can help it.

Here’s What I Keep Reminding Myself

If you’re a fellow overthinker, people-pleaser, opinion-worrier – here’s what I’m learning, and maybe it’ll help you too:

1. Most people aren’t thinking about you as much as you think. They’re too busy worrying about themselves.

2. You can survive being misunderstood. Honestly, you’ll be fine. People misunderstanding you doesn’t hurt as much as you imagine it will.

3. Someone will always have an opinion, no matter what you do. So you might as well do what makes you happy.

4. Your opinion of yourself matters more. If you can go to bed knowing you stayed true to yourself, that’s what counts.

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And this last one’s big for me: Your life is your own. Don’t hand it over to people who aren’t living it for you.

Where Hypnotherapy Fits In

Every time I catch myself spinning out about what people think, I realise it’s that old brain wiring again. The part of me that’s terrified of rejection, desperate for approval, still believing I’ve got to “perform” for love and acceptance.

Hypnotherapy helps you rewrite that script. It doesn’t turn you into someone who never cares (we’re not robots), but it helps you turn down the volume on those fear-based thoughts.

It’s like this: you’ve been running the same old program for years – “Don’t mess up, don’t stand out, don’t rock the boat.” Hypnotherapy helps you install a new one – “I’m allowed to be me, even if not everyone gets it.”

That’s freedom. That’s where life starts feeling lighter.

I’ll say it again because I know it’s hard to believe sometimes: other people’s opinions are none of your business.

Your business? Living your life in a way that feels good and true to you. Loving yourself even when you’re not “perfect.” Taking up space. Being seen. Choosing joy over approval.

And every time you do that, you’re taking your power back.

Real Life Lessons

By this point, you’ve probably guessed – I’m passionate about this topic because I’ve lived it. But it’s not just me. I’ve seen so many clients come to me weighed down by what other people think. Honestly, if I had a pound for every time someone sat in my office and said, “I just wish I didn’t care so much about what they think,” I’d be… well, let’s just say I’d never have to buy my own tea bags again.

And every time I hear it, my heart aches a bit. Because I know that feeling too well. That constant self-questioning. That exhaustion from trying to be “enough” in everyone else’s eyes.

So today, I want to share a few client stories (shared with permission or changed so they’re anonymous). Because maybe you’ll see yourself in them. And maybe you’ll realise you’re not the only one carrying this weight – and you don’t have to carry it forever.

Story 1: The Mum Who Couldn’t Say No

One client, let’s call her Sarah, came to me burnt out. Absolutely shattered. She had two young kids, a busy job, a partner who worked long hours… and yet, whenever someone asked her for help, she said yes.

Yes to baking cakes for school events (even when she had no time).Yes to covering extra shifts at work.Yes to favours for friends, neighbours, anyone who asked.

And when I asked her why, she said:

“I just don’t want people to think I’m selfish.”

Here’s the thing: Sarah was running herself into the ground for an opinion she was terrified people might have about her. Not even one they’d actually said out loud.

Through hypnotherapy, we worked on quieting that old belief – that saying “no” makes you a bad person. We helped her find calm and confidence, so she could start choosing what was right for her, not what would “look good” to others.

Fast forward a few weeks and she told me, laughing, “Dean, I said no the other day and guess what? The world didn’t end!”  That moment right there – that’s freedom.

Story 2: The Teen Afraid to Be Herself

Another client, a teenager (let’s call her Ellie), came in because she was anxious at school. She said she felt like she was acting all day, trying to be what her friends wanted her to be.

She’d second-guess every word before saying it. She’d dress a certain way just to “fit in.” She even stopped doing something she loved – drama club – because someone once said it was “cringey.”

When I asked her how she’d feel if no one ever judged her again, she said:

“I think I’d finally be able to breathe.”

We worked together to build her self-belief, to help her see that what people think isn’t fact – it’s just noise. That she’s allowed to show up as herself, even if someone doesn’t get it.

A few months later, she joined the drama club again. And she said, “I realised the only person who was stopping me was me… because I was scared of opinions that don’t even matter.”

Story 3: The Business Owner Who Couldn’t Post Online

This one’s close to my heart because I know the feeling.

A client, Mark, came to me saying he wanted to grow his business but just couldn’t put himself out there online. Every time he thought about making a video or sharing a post, this little voice screamed: “People will laugh at you. They’ll think you’re a joke.”

He had so much to offer, but he was stuck – paralysed by imaginary critics.

Through our sessions, he learned to turn down that fear voice, to separate his worth from other people’s opinions. And one day, he finally posted his first video. And guess what? Not only did nobody laugh – people actually thanked him for sharing.

He came back to me beaming, saying: “I’ve wasted so much time worrying about people who probably weren’t even thinking about me.”

The Pattern in All These Stories

See the theme? These lovely, amazing, kind people were twisting themselves in knots trying to win approval – approval that wasn’t guaranteed, approval that wasn’t even theirs to earn.

Like Anna Mathur says in The Uncomfortable Truth: “We keep offering our worth up for other people to stamp ‘approved’ or ‘rejected,’ forgetting we already have it.”

And that’s what I keep reminding myself and my clients: Your worth isn’t up for debate. You’re enough. And you don’t need to win a popularity contest to prove it.

How Hypnotherapy Can Help You Break Free

If you see yourself in any of these stories, please know this: you’re not broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just learned to value other people’s opinions over your own. And that’s something you can unlearn.

Hypnotherapy helps you:

• Calm the anxious part of your brain that’s always scanning for disapproval.

• Rewire the old belief that you have to “earn” love or acceptance.

• Build an inner sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely on outside opinions.

  
  

It’s not about never caring what anyone thinks ever again (we’re humans, we’re wired for connection). It’s about getting to a place where you can say, “I hear your opinion… but it doesn’t decide my life.”

That’s power. That’s freedom.

Living Free: My Turning Point and How You Can Start Letting Go Today

If you’ve made it this far, you probably get it – worrying about other people’s opinions can run your life if you let it.

I know, because for years, it ran mine. And if I’m honest, it still tries to sneak in sometimes. But something shifted for me a while back. A moment I’ll never forget.

My Own Turning Point

It wasn’t a big, dramatic event. No lightning bolt from the sky or life-changing speech.

I was just sitting in my car one night after meeting some friends. I’d had a good time – we’d laughed, chatted, caught up on life. But the second I closed the door and drove off, my brain started replaying every word I’d said, every joke I’d cracked, every tiny moment I might have got “wrong.”

And that old voice piped up: “They probably think you’re an idiot.”

For the first time in years, I stopped. Really stopped. And I thought: What if they don’t? What if that’s just me?

And then came the bigger question: Even if they do… why does it matter so much?

That’s when I realised I’d been living like I was on trial every day. Every word, every action, every choice – all for the imaginary jury in my head.

I drove home that night and pulled Anna Mathur’s book, The Uncomfortable Truth, off my shelf. I opened it at random and my eyes fell on this line:

“You are not responsible for the stories people tell themselves about you.”

I sat there and cried. Because it was the first time I’d really felt the weight of all the stories I’d been trying to control – stories that weren’t even mine to manage.

That moment didn’t fix everything overnight. But it planted a seed. A seed that said: Dean, you deserve to live for you, not for their approval.

And from that night on, I’ve been watering that seed, every single day.

What Letting Go Feels Like

Here’s the thing I want you to know: letting go of other people’s opinions doesn’t make you reckless or unkind. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about people anymore.

It just means you stop abandoning yourself to please them.

And when you start choosing yourself first… wow. Life gets lighter. You laugh louder. You try things you used to hold back on. You say “no” without guilt. You say “yes” to the things that light you up.

You stop performing and start living.

How You Can Start Today

If you’re reading this thinking, I wish I could do that, but I don’t know where to start, here’s what’s helped me and my clients:

1. Catch the Thought

When you notice yourself worrying about what someone thinks, pause. Ask yourself: Am I reacting to a real opinion, or one I’ve made up? Half the time, it’s a story you’ve created in your own head.

2. Ask the Bigger Question

Even if that opinion is real, ask: Does it actually change who I am? Does it change my worth? The answer is no. Every. Single. Time.

3. Imagine the Freedom

Ask yourself: If nobody judged me, what would I do right now? Then, if you can, do that thing. Bit by bit, you build courage like a muscle.

4. Build Your Inner Voice

Start replacing the imagined critics with a voice of kindness – your own. Remind yourself daily: I am enough. I’m allowed to take up space. I don’t need everyone’s approval to live my life.

5. Get Support

Sometimes, these patterns run deep. That’s where hypnotherapy can help. It helps you quiet the old fear loops, rewire those beliefs, and build confidence from the inside out.

Because here’s the truth: you can’t stop people having opinions – but you can stop giving them the power to run your life.

One Last Story

I’ll leave you with this.

A client once said to me after a session: “Dean, I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for years trying to keep everyone happy. And now, for the first time, I can actually breathe.”

That’s what this work is about. That’s why I do what I do, because you deserve that breath of freedom, too.

And it starts the moment you decide: Other people’s opinions of you are none of my business. My business is living my life the way that feels right to me.

If this blog has stirred something in you, know you’re not alone. I’ve been there. So many of my clients have been there. And you don’t have to stay stuck there.

If you’re ready to start letting go of that heavy weight of judgment, if you’re ready to breathe again, reach out. Let’s talk about how hypnotherapy can help you live life on your own terms – lighter, freer, and unapologetically you.