Men, Therapy, and the Conversation We Still Need to Have

hypnowithdean
Aug 27
17 min read

I know what you might be thinking: “We’ve already had this conversation a hundred times.” And you’d be right — the topic of men’s mental health and therapy has been written about, debated, and campaigned on for years now. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: men are still not using therapy as much as they need to.

That’s why this isn’t just another piece on the same old subject. It’s part of a necessary repetition — saying the same thing in new ways, over and over, until it finally breaks through the wall of stigma and silence that keeps so many men from asking for help.

Because while awareness campaigns have grown, while more celebrities and athletes have spoken out, and while younger generations are slowly becoming more open to talking about mental health, the statistics haven’t shifted enough. Men are still struggling in silence. And silence, all too often, is deadly.

The Numbers We Can’t Ignore

In the UK, around 1 in 8 men experience a mental health problem every year. That’s millions of fathers, brothers, husbands, sons, colleagues, and friends. Yet men remain far less likely than women to access psychological therapies. According to NHS data, only about a third of those receiving talking therapy are men.

And here’s the most alarming figure of all: suicide is the single biggest cause of death for men under 50. Not cancer, not heart disease, not accidents — suicide. In fact, men make up around three-quarters of all suicides in the UK.

Behind these numbers are real stories — men who looked “fine” on the outside but carried battles no one else could see. Men who didn’t feel able to ask for help until it was too late. Men who convinced themselves they had to “just get on with it,” because that’s what they’d been taught to believe.

Globally, the picture isn’t much brighter. In countries all over the world, men are consistently less likely to seek help for depression, anxiety, or addiction, despite high prevalence rates. In some cultures, therapy isn’t even part of the conversation at all — leaving men with even fewer options.

These statistics aren’t just numbers on a page. They’re a clear sign that something is broken in the way we approach men’s wellbeing. And if repeating this conversation again — and again — is what it takes to help even a few more men step through the door of a therapist’s office (or book a hypnotherapy session), then it’s worth every word.

Why Men Don’t Seek Help

If the statistics are so stark, the obvious question is: why aren’t men using therapy more? It’s not because men don’t struggle. It’s not because they don’t feel pain or stress. It’s not because therapy doesn’t work for them.

The real reasons are tangled up in culture, beliefs, and learned behaviours that start young and stick hard.

The “Man Up” Myth

From childhood, boys are often told to toughen up. Crying, showing fear, or admitting sadness can be met with phrases like “don’t be a baby” or “be a man.” These small messages pile up, shaping a belief that vulnerability is dangerous — or worse, shameful.

By adulthood, many men carry the unspoken rule: “Don’t talk about it. Don’t show weakness. Just get on with it.” Therapy, with its image of sitting in a chair and talking about feelings, collides head-on with that conditioning.

The Fix-It Mindset

Many men approach problems with a practical, fix-it mindset. If the car breaks, fix it. If the roof leaks, fix it. But when the “problem” is stress, anxiety, or a heavy sense of not coping, there isn’t a spanner or screwdriver that will do the job.

Instead of reaching for therapy, men often double down on trying to fix it themselves: working longer hours, pushing harder in the gym, distracting with alcohol or hobbies. But emotional pain doesn’t respond to willpower in the same way a DIY project does.

Fear of Vulnerability

Opening up to a stranger about your private thoughts can feel risky. “What if they think I’m weak? What if they don’t get it? What if I can’t find the words?” For men who have rarely been encouraged to express emotions, the idea of therapy feels like stepping into alien territory.

This fear is made worse by the stereotype that therapy is only for people who are “broken.” Many men don’t realise therapy can be about growth, clarity, and learning — not just crisis management.

Distrust of Traditional Therapy

For some, the hesitation is less about stigma and more about style. The image of “talking endlessly about childhood” doesn’t appeal to everyone, especially men who value solutions and forward motion. Traditional models can feel too abstract, too slow, or too far removed from the practical relief they’re looking for.

This is where many men disengage entirely. Rather than risk trying something they imagine won’t suit them, they stay silent and carry the weight alone.

How Men Cope Instead

When men don’t feel able to seek help, the struggles don’t disappear. They just find other ways of coping — some that look socially acceptable, and some that carry serious risks.

Overworking

For many men, work becomes the hiding place. Throwing themselves into longer hours or constant busyness helps them avoid uncomfortable thoughts. From the outside, this can even look admirable — “he’s such a hard worker.” But underneath, it’s often a way to drown out stress or low mood with distraction. Eventually, burnout creeps in, leaving both mental and physical health in tatters.

Alcohol and Substances

Another common outlet is alcohol. It’s socially accepted, even encouraged in some male circles, making it an easy “solution” to stress. A pint after work turns into several, and alcohol becomes less about enjoyment and more about numbing. Some turn to drugs for the same reason — a quick escape from constant pressure. Of course, these habits only deepen the problems over time.

Anger and Withdrawal

Unexpressed emotions have to go somewhere. For some men, that means bursts of anger or irritability that damage relationships at home or work. For others, it leads to shutting down altogether — withdrawing from friends, family, and hobbies. Both routes isolate men further, cutting off the very connections that could help them heal.

Physical Symptoms

Stress doesn’t just stay in the mind. It shows up in the body too. Men who avoid dealing with mental strain often end up with tension headaches, back pain, digestive problems, or trouble sleeping. Chronic stress can even contribute to heart disease and other serious illnesses. What starts as “just stress” can become a real threat to long-term health.

The heartbreaking part is that many of these men don’t connect the dots. They’ll see the doctor about chest pain or insomnia but never mention the anxiety that drives it. The physical symptoms get treated, while the root cause quietly remains.

What’s Changing — and What Isn’t

It’s not all bad news. Over the past decade, there’s been a noticeable cultural shift in how men’s mental health is discussed. Campaigns, charities, and even sports clubs have started to tackle the stigma head-on. You’ve probably seen slogans like “It’s okay not to be okay” on billboards, social media, and TV. These messages matter, because they chip away at the old scripts of silence.

One of the most powerful drivers of change has been high-profile men speaking out. From athletes like Tyson Fury talking about depression, to actors like Ryan Reynolds opening up about anxiety, to everyday men sharing their stories on podcasts and blogs — the conversation is becoming more visible. This visibility normalises the idea that men do struggle, and that seeking support isn’t weakness, but humanity.

Younger generations are also showing signs of being more open. Men in their teens and twenties are, in many cases, more willing to talk about mental health than their fathers or grandfathers ever were. Social media, for all its downsides, has played a part here — giving men a space to see that they’re not alone.

But here’s the catch: while awareness is rising, the actual numbers of men in therapy haven’t increased fast enough. Campaigns may make men nod in agreement, but turning that into action — booking the session, making the call — is still a big leap. The statistics around suicide, addiction, and untreated anxiety remind us that progress is uneven.

So yes, things are shifting. The silence is cracking. But the weight of old conditioning is strong, and for many men, the gap between knowing therapy is okay and actually going remains wide. This is why we need new approaches — ways of making therapy feel less daunting, less stigmatised, and more practical. And this is where hypnotherapy begins to stand out.

What’s Changing — and What Isn’t

One of the most powerful drivers of change has been high-profile men speaking out. For example, footballer Dele Alli recently spoke openly about his struggles with trauma, addiction, and mental health. His honesty reached millions who might never normally think about therapy. The fact that a professional athlete — someone often seen as the very definition of toughness — could admit to needing help made the conversation real for men who look up to him.

We’ve seen the same in other areas too. Actors like Ryan Reynolds have shared openly about living with anxiety, and entrepreneurs like Prince Harry have spoken about therapy as a normal part of coping with grief and stress. When men in the public eye share their experiences, it chips away at the myth that “real men don’t struggle.”

For many men, the word therapy comes with baggage. They imagine sitting in a chair for months on end, talking about childhood, or being asked to “open up” in ways that feel uncomfortable. That image alone is enough to stop a lot of men from ever stepping through the door.

Hypnotherapy offers a different experience — one that often feels far more practical, solution-focused, and results-driven. And that difference can make it easier for men to take the first step.

Science Over Stigma

What actually happens in hypnotherapy is very different from what most people expect. It’s not about being “put under” or losing control (that’s stage hypnosis — something entirely separate). Instead, hypnotherapy helps calm the brain, reducing the activity of the amygdala — the part that drives the “fight or flight” response — and encouraging the prefrontal cortex, the rational problem-solving centre, to take the lead.

In simpler terms: it shifts the brain out of stress mode and into calm clarity.

From a biological perspective, this reduces levels of cortisol (the stress hormone), helping the body rebalance. The result? Better sleep, improved focus, reduced anxiety, fewer cravings, and a noticeable lift in confidence and energy. For men who like facts and logic, the neuroscience behind hypnotherapy makes it feel less abstract and more like a tool for mental fitness.

Training the Mind, Not “Talking About Problems”

One of the reasons hypnotherapy resonates with men is that it feels more like training than therapy. Instead of endlessly dissecting the past, solution-focused hypnotherapy asks: Where are you now? Where do you want to be? And how can we get you there?

This forward-looking approach appeals to men who prefer action over analysis. It gives them a sense of movement, of working toward something concrete, rather than sitting still in difficult feelings.

Staying in Control

Another barrier for men is the fear of losing control. Some imagine that hypnotherapy means being made to do silly things, like in stage shows. The reality is the opposite. In therapeutic hypnosis, the client is always in control. You can open your eyes, speak, or stop at any time. That reassurance — that it’s not about giving up control but about regaining it — can be the key to helping men feel safe enough to try.

Results That Build Confidence

Once men experience the benefits, the change can be powerful. Sleeping better, feeling calmer, thinking more clearly — these improvements reinforce the idea that they can manage their stress and emotions. And when confidence grows, so does the willingness to keep going.

For many men, hypnotherapy feels less like “therapy” in the traditional sense and more like learning a set of mental tools they can carry into daily life. And that framing makes all the difference.

Breaking Down the Myths of Hypnotherapy

One of the biggest reasons people — especially men — hesitate to try hypnotherapy is because of the myths that surround it. And let’s be honest: most of those myths come straight from TV shows, stage performances, or exaggerated stories.

If you picture a magician swinging a pocket watch and making someone cluck like a chicken, that’s not hypnotherapy. That’s entertainment. Therapeutic hypnotherapy is something entirely different — and understanding the difference is crucial if we want men to see it as a real, credible option.

Myth 1: “You’ll Lose Control”

This is probably the biggest misconception. Many men worry that hypnosis means being “taken over” or made to do things against their will. The reality couldn’t be further from the truth. In a hypnotherapy session, you are fully in control the entire time. You can talk, move, or stop the session whenever you choose. Think of it more like guided deep relaxation, where your focus is sharpened — not switched off.

Myth 2: “It’s Just Stage Tricks”

Stage hypnosis is designed for laughs, drama, and showmanship. It relies on volunteers who are willing to play along. Hypnotherapy, by contrast, is grounded in neuroscience and psychology. It uses focused attention and suggestion to help your brain create positive change. One is entertainment. The other is evidence-based therapy.

Myth 3: “It’s Not Real Science”

Hypnotherapy isn’t magic. It’s measurable. Research shows hypnosis can reduce pain, calm anxiety, improve sleep, and support behaviour change like quitting smoking. Brain scans even demonstrate how hypnotic states alter activity in areas responsible for attention, perception, and emotional regulation. For men who like proof, the science is there.

Myth 4: “It’s Only for Weak People”

This one runs deep in male culture. There’s an idea that if you need help to manage stress or change habits, you must be weak. In reality, hypnotherapy has been used by athletes to sharpen focus, by soldiers to manage PTSD, and by executives to perform under pressure. It’s not weakness — it’s training. And like any training, it makes you stronger.

By breaking down these myths, hypnotherapy becomes less about fear or embarrassment and more about opportunity. It’s not about losing control, being tricked, or admitting weakness. It’s about taking an active step to regain balance and perform at your best — in life, work, relationships, and health.

Breaking Down the Myths of Hypnotherapy

Myth 1: “You’ll Lose Control”

Myth 2: “It’s Just Stage Tricks”

Myth 3: “It’s Not Real Science”

Myth 4: “It’s Only for Weak People”

A Note on Other Therapies

Now, it’s worth saying this clearly: hypnotherapy isn’t the only way. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), counselling, psychotherapy, coaching, medication, group support — all of these approaches can and do help people every day. For some, talking therapy is exactly what they need. For others, medication provides stability. For many, a mix of approaches works best.

The point isn’t to discount other therapies. It’s to make sure men know that hypnotherapy is a credible, effective option alongside them — one that may feel more accessible if traditional therapy doesn’t appeal.

By breaking down the myths, hypnotherapy becomes less about fear or embarrassment and more about opportunity. It’s not about losing control, being tricked, or admitting weakness. It’s about taking an active step to regain balance and perform at your best — in life, work, relationships, and health.

Stories & Examples

Sometimes statistics and science only go so far. What really helps men connect to the idea of therapy — hypnotherapy included — is hearing about other men who’ve been through it. Not celebrities, not case studies in journals, but ordinary men who finally said yes to getting help.

James, the Sleepless Manager

James (not his real name) was in his forties, running a busy team at work, juggling family life, and trying to keep everything together. On the surface, he looked fine. Inside, his mind never switched off. He slept maybe three hours a night, his thoughts racing about work deadlines and family responsibilities.

When he came to hypnotherapy, he admitted he’d avoided “talking therapy” because he didn’t want to spend weeks digging through his past. What he wanted was sleep. Within a few sessions, his stress levels began to lower, his brain learned to switch off at night, and he started waking up rested for the first time in years. The shift in sleep cascaded into calmer days, better patience with his kids, and more focus at work.

Mark, the Ex-Forces Veteran

Mark had served in the military and was proud of his resilience. But years later, he found himself battling bursts of anger he couldn’t control, alongside a constant restlessness he didn’t understand. He’d always seen therapy as something for “other people.”

Through hypnotherapy, he discovered a way to calm the hyper-alert part of his brain — the amygdala that was constantly on guard. He described it as “finding the off switch” for the first time. Instead of fighting himself, he could finally relax. He still saw himself as strong — but now that strength came with calm.

Tom, the Habit Breaker

Tom was in his early thirties and had tried to quit smoking multiple times. He told himself he just needed more willpower, but each attempt left him frustrated and ashamed. He came to hypnotherapy almost as a last resort.

What surprised him was how quickly his cravings reduced once his stress levels lowered. Instead of battling himself, he felt like his brain was working with him, not against him. Quitting became less about fighting urges and more about building a new pattern. He left saying, “I wish I’d tried this years ago.”

These stories are not rare. They’re reflections of what many men experience when they finally allow themselves to step into therapy — in whatever form suits them. Hypnotherapy often works because it feels less like “admitting weakness” and more like taking practical steps to retrain the brain.

Practical Steps for Men Considering Therapy

Even if you’re reading this and thinking, “Maybe therapy could help me,” that next step can still feel huge. It’s not just about booking a session — it’s about overcoming years of conditioning that says you shouldn’t. So let’s make it simpler.

1. Know What to Expect

A lot of anxiety about therapy comes from not knowing what will actually happen. In hypnotherapy, you won’t be “out of it” or under someone else’s control. You’ll be relaxed, aware, and fully in charge the whole time. Sessions are structured, calm, and focused on helping you move forward.

For other therapies, like CBT or counselling, expect open conversations — but also remember, you don’t have to tell your life story in one go. You set the pace.

2. Reframe Therapy as Training

If the word “therapy” feels off-putting, think of it as training. Just like you might go to the gym to strengthen your body, therapy strengthens your mind. It gives you tools and techniques to handle stress, habits, and challenges more effectively. That shift in perspective can make it feel less like “admitting weakness” and more like levelling up.

3. Start Small

You don’t have to dive in with a commitment straight away. Try listening to a podcast about men’s mental health, watching a short guided relaxation on YouTube, or booking a one-off consultation to see how it feels. Sometimes the first step is simply talking to someone who listens without judgement.

4. Decide What You Want to Change

Therapy works best when you’ve got a goal in mind. Do you want to sleep better? Reduce stress? Stop smoking? Build confidence? Naming what you want helps guide the process — and makes progress easier to see.

5. Talk About It (If You Want To)

Some men find it helps to tell a partner or close friend that they’re trying therapy. Others prefer to keep it private until they feel the results. Both approaches are fine — what matters is that you take the step in a way that feels safe to you.

6. Remember, You’re Still in Control

Whether it’s hypnotherapy, CBT, or counselling, therapy is not something “done to you.” You’re an active part of it. You choose what to share, what to work on, and when to stop. You hold the steering wheel — the therapist is just the guide.

Therapy doesn’t have to be a grand gesture or a last resort. It can be a practical tool you use now, while things are tough but manageable. The earlier you start, the quicker change can come.

Why We Must Keep Writing About This

At this point, you might be thinking: “I’ve heard all this before. Do we really need another article telling men to go to therapy?” And the honest answer is yes — we do.

Because while the message has been said a thousand times, the reality hasn’t changed enough. Men are still less likely to access therapy. Men are still more likely to die by suicide. Men are still carrying the weight of stress, anxiety, and depression in silence. Until those numbers shift, this is a conversation we need to keep having — over and over, in different ways, through different voices.

Think about it like this: how many times have you ignored advice the first time you heard it? Maybe it took the tenth or twentieth time before it really sank in. That’s how cultural change works. Repetition, persistence, and visibility gradually normalise what once felt unusual.

Every time another article, campaign, or conversation reminds men that therapy is for them too, it chips away at the old story — the one that says “real men don’t talk.” And eventually, enough repetition creates a tipping point. It becomes normal. It becomes obvious. It becomes something you don’t have to explain or justify.

And here’s the thing: even if just one man reads this and decides to make that call, book that session, or open up to a friend — that’s one more life made lighter, calmer, and safer. That alone makes writing about it worth it.

So yes, this topic is overdone. But it has to be. Because until men no longer see therapy as a last resort, until reaching out for help is as natural as going to the doctor with a broken bone, we’ve still got work to do.

Shall I finish with

If there’s one thread running through all of this, it’s that men are struggling more than they’re letting on — and far too many are doing it in silence. The stigma is still there, the statistics remain heavy, and the coping mechanisms men often turn to — overwork, alcohol, anger, withdrawal — only pile on more pressure in the long run.

But things are shifting. More men are speaking out. More conversations are happening in workplaces, sports, schools, and families. The cracks in the old “man up” culture are showing. And every article like this one, every campaign, every man who says “I got help and it worked” — all of it pushes the change forward.

Hypnotherapy is not the only answer, but it is an option that many men find practical, approachable, and effective. It doesn’t require endless talking about the past. It doesn’t mean losing control. It doesn’t label you as weak. Instead, it offers a calm, solution-focused way to retrain the brain, reduce stress, and build confidence. For some, it feels more like mental training than therapy — and that shift in perspective can be the doorway in.

So here’s the invitation: don’t wait until you’re at breaking point. Don’t let therapy be the last thing you try, after years of silent struggling. Let it be the first step. Because that one decision — to sit down, take a breath, and try something different — could change not just your stress levels, but your relationships, your health, and your future.

You don’t have to do it alone. And you don’t have to carry the weight forever.

If stress, anxiety, poor sleep, or low confidence are holding you back, hypnotherapy could be the first step to taking back control. Book your session today and start moving forward with calm, confidence, and clarity.

Men, Therapy, and the Conversation We Still Need to Have

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